(Source: iluvrichel)

6 notes ○ Saturday, October 18, 2014 @ 11:40 am

Because Hazel Grace was right…

The photo in here just sums up our relationship. 

Happiness. We had that. You found yours with me and mine with you. We shared about everything. We got stupid and silly together. We fell in love and today you woke up and decided that we are no longer fit for each other. 

How do I let go? I wasn’t ready. You left me so fast that I don’t even knew it happened. It hurts really. To want something like that and lose it? You don’t know how much I valued you. Yes, I wasn’t the best partner but I tried to be. I did everything I could to keep you. I begged for you to come back, and right now, I am still hoping that you would. 

I don’t regret being with you, I will always be thankful for you. You’re the best gift there was. I couldn’t ask for more, and though within the 1 year and 7 months that we’ve spent together we lost track of how much we love each other numerous times, I felt for the first time that my life has found its meaning. 

I know you’ll be fine without me but without you I am lost. I want to move past this, the misery I am in but I don’t ever want to forget you and this feeling. It was because of you that I knew I was capable of loving someone other than myself. You made me a better person, I will be forever grateful. I hope you’re happy and well, I’d rather have you feeling none of this pain. 

Maybe I’m not your forever anymore, maybe you fell out of love. I just wish you trusted me more that I can make use better, I wish you believed in our relationship. I hate it that you gave up but to be honest, I don’t think I can ever hate you. 

They were right, “That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt" And I assure you that this is not going away any time soon. I can’t stay like this forever, it will eat up until I can’t find my way back. I wrote this as a reminder that I will move on from this, I learned my lesson not to hand my heart out to anyone who comes along. 

No matter how much company we have, we all get lonely. We’re happy while it lasts but how will you face tomorrow, after all the people go on with their lives and you’re left there stuck. Everything hurts. I trusted you to keep your end of the promise, that you and I will see forever together but that is a clear impossibility now. 

I’m preparing myself for a long time of crying. The thing is, no matter how much tears I cry, I will never forget this day. The day that reminded me how much I should hate the idea of falling in love. Not anymore, it was never for me. 

I hope you knew that I didn’t mind losing more of who I am if it meant that I get to spend my future with you. I did it all for you. I love you as big as the outer space, remember that? I still mean it even after everything today. A part of me wants you back, there will always be that space meant only for you. 


1 note ○ Saturday, October 18, 2014 @ 11:37 am


Every night I lie awake, thinking of the things I’d rather just keep to myself. Every night I hope that the next day when I wake up, things will change. And even though every night I sleep with an aching heart, I know I long for the exact same thing I did the night before. 

Love never tires does it? We keep putting ourselves out there in the open for that one special person but even if he/she chooses to hurt us, we continuously stay in that vulnerable state. 

How is it actually fair that this certain someone whom you’ve trust not to hurt you, gets to do things their way without even thinking about your feelings. All those times that you’ve put them first despite being the “option” gets to you sooner or later. 

They say there’s a choice, you can always leave but then according to a book I’ve read, you don’t just leave when things get hard. Now the question is this, if things have never been easy, if these “hardships” are going on for too long, is it now okay if you give up? 

What does it mean to be strong? Is it when you can leave just because you can? Just because you know the other person will always be there? People say, “You don’t get to hurt me like that and expect me to come back”, with this in mind, have you ever thought of how much you’ve also hurt the other? 

How many changes can one make? How many times can a person actually sacrifice his/her identity in order to keep the person they love? A wise friend of mine said, “Some things can’t be changed, like the entirety of the person”. The thing is, when can one be called whole when all who they’ve been has been lost? What if the thing that defines you can no longer do? 

Life is full of complications. Maybe we do look for a lot of things, we all keep standards that can’t just be fulfilled in the snap of your fingers but life can be chosen. You get a say when to stop your misery, when enough is enough. Limits can be reached and that’s why one can always opt to let go. Not because they’re strong enough to forget the other but rather because all things must become a part of the past. And I know someday it will be my day. There will come a time that I will leave all of these behind; I get to start over and all that once mattered will be a blur in the rearview. 

Someday I’ll get there because with all honesty, it’s not fair that I stay and be stuck in your list of options especially not when you’re my first, heck probably the only one on my list. 

PS. The picture above is not mine. I only used it because it sums up my emotions.

1 note ○ Tuesday, October 07, 2014 @ 8:34 am

Someday maybe, I’ll learn to let go.

(Source: feellng, via hettypauiie)

3,243 notes ○ Tuesday, October 07, 2014 @ 7:50 am

1,264 notes ○ Tuesday, October 07, 2014 @ 7:49 am

1,239 notes ○ Tuesday, October 07, 2014 @ 7:48 am


Right now, it feels like nothing is going right. I need a space to pour out all these bottled emotions. 

Waking up today way earlier than I usually do, I have this heavy feeling or more of a longing. I am in no mood to write in my wattpad story and so I am stuck with this. 

This Thursday that passed, I finished Graffiti Moon. It was so perfect, all the hopes of finding that one person made to spend forever with you. The words sink through your soul, the core of who we are. True and honest, importantly it was romantic in the most unimaginable way. And now I long for my own “Shadow”, the one who desperately calls for me through the murals scattered all over town. 

All those books I devoured page after page, the characters I watch fall in love with each other, I was quietly weeping with them throughout their heartbreaks. Every now and then I wonder if my life can be just like theirs, simple and predictable. If only my destiny can be written by me. 

Earphones that shut out the whole world. Today I will lie in bed, separating myself from everything. I will be nothing but in all that loneliness, I will feel everything. Emotions I never knew I had, pain I’ve always kept and that longing I’ve pushed aside for so long. Today I won’t hold back, for once I will let go completely and before this day ends, the person I am in front of people will again resurface. 

The songs I hear, the lyrics bring me to somewhere that I will never belong. That perfection I try so much to be in, it will always be out of my league. When will someone whisper to me all those words I want to hear, whisk me away from all these earthly emotions. 

Too bad my life is not written like novels are, happy endings in the end. It’s sad that those songs are meant to be heard by me but they will never be for me. By the end of today, in reality, I will just be the girl who secretly longs for impossible things. 

0 notes ○ Saturday, September 06, 2014 @ 8:34 pm

11,176 notes ○ Friday, June 27, 2014 @ 9:09 am


To the most beautiful Koala, the most important person in my life right now, the love of my life, my one true love, my destiny…


So, I have really not much to say ‘cause I talk to you every day and ‘cause I tell you almost everything whenever I get the chance or whenever I feel like it. Anyway, I hope your 2013 ended the way you wanted it to and I really hope you had a blast this 2013!

Hmmm. Thank you for being patient, I know I am as hard to be with and to keep up with compared to anyone else. Thank you for always assuring me…(though I always find it hard to believe, it’s not you, it’s me) and for showing how much you love me (though it always seem like it’s never enough, for the record, it is ENOUGH…more than enough). Thank you for always being there to support me, to make me laugh whenever I’m sad and thank you for filling up that empty space, for never allowing me to be lonely. Basically, thank you for making my life perfect. I never knew that my life could turn into a fairytale, it’s like a dream that only I have, it’s very special cause it’s mine. My life since I met you has been one hell of an experience but I assure you it’s something worth remembering. I know I’ve been saying that I changed a lot (for you) but truth to be told, I kind of like the way I am now, though vulnerable, at least I know that I am capable of feeling pain. Being hurt is part of living and so is feeling any kind of emotion, and somehow I never realized that it’s what’s missing in my life until you came. It’s very cheesy but you brought colours into my life.

Every moment I spend with you is very memorable. The happiness it brings me is unexplainable. I know sometimes I don’t show emotion but I’m just really like that, I feel like people will take advantage of my feelings or I will seem weak if I do show my emotions.

Thank you for exerting your best efforts to make me happy and to make me feel special. Thank you for choosing to love me.

I’m sorry for all the fights, arguments and petty issues, I know I caused a lot of them. I’m sorry for breaking your heart, for leaving numerous times and for upsetting you. I’m sorry that I usually don’t understand you and that for some time I was not able to make you feel free to do what you want. I really am trying to adjust to your lifestyle and to be more patient and understanding. I am hoping to be worthy of you one way or another this coming year.

I like everything about you. The sweet and long messages always make me smile. I like your smile, I remember describing it better than Mona Lisa’s. I like it when we talk, random and sometimes deep stuffs. I like being real with you, sharing stories that will let you get to know me. I like it when you massage my shoulders, face and hands. I like it when you kiss me and when you hold my hand, also when you hug me very tight. It’s nice whenever you get clingy and sweet to me, surprising but really heart-melting(no such term). When you share story, I feel like I connect to you in someway that no else can and it’s very fulfilling for me. Also, your CORNY jokes, just cause it’s new year that’s why I admitted it to you (bring it up again and I’ll deny it). And whenever I get the chance to tease you, it’s fun! Oh what joy! I like it when you sing, play any instrument for me and when you dedicate your original songs for me.

Out of everything that happened this 2013, meeting you, being with you and falling in love with you is the best thing that ever happened. I feel so blessed to have you, so lucky to still have you despite everything that’s happened between us. I love you so much and I miss you. I think about you every day and I can’t wait for the time to actually be with you for the rest of my life, for the whole world to see.

No words can ever amount to what I feel for you. I know I may not be the most deserving of you but I promise to work my ways into becoming the best for you(hopefully), even if it takes all my life to prove myself.

I love you baby. :* Thank you for being in my life, and for making it worth living. You showed me a whole new world in my mediocre life.

Always and Forever yours,


0 notes ○ Tuesday, December 31, 2013 @ 7:33 am

Cheers to the end of 2013, it has been awesome, drink up to the upcoming 2014, will you be one hell of a year!

Hi Everyone! I don’t even know if anyone still uses tumblr but, oh well. Happy New Year!!! Yeah, hoping that 2014 is going to be awesome.

Before I officially say goodbye to 2013, I shall recount or reminisce the events that happened that made my year one worth remembering.

  1. I reunited with my friend, Alena.
  2. I won an essay contest.
  3. I got my heartbroken…
  4. My heart was slowly being healed…
  5. I learned to trust people (Yeah, like 25% more than I did before)
  6. I got a new phone!!! WOOO.
  7. I discovered the wonderfulness of EBOOK.
  8. I reconnected with GOD. Victory Church.
  9. I got closer to my friend, Kish.
  10. I learned to stand on my own, well, somehow.
  11. I gained new twin friends… (This is special cause, I AM OBSESSED WITH TWINS)
  12. I received many gifts during my birthday!
  13. We got a portable wi-fi. (Yes. 18 years I’ve been internet deprived most of the time, this year it finally changed)
  14. I got in PNB! Oh yeah…OJT being taken care of.
  15. I survived my thesis…(barely but the grade is still average)
  16. I FELL IN LOVE… ♥♥♥

Well, that’s about the highlight of my 2013. Fingers crossed for a new wonderful 2014! 

1 note ○ Tuesday, December 31, 2013 @ 6:30 am


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